I grew up with a lot of God and very little sex. For some people it might be the other way round. But the older I get, I am convinced there must be a healthy balance of spirituality and sexuality in our lives to feel truly free and fulfilled. And my up-bringing in the Christian church wasn't necessarily a very healthy balance.
That's why I want to start a conversation about sex and God and how they are connected. I'm not an expert on either of these by any means, but very fascinated with both and equally intimidated at times. Hopefully, we will all be able to get some enlightenment and entertainment out of this, as both are supposed to lift our souls and raise our consciousness – and be fun. I really hope to avoid long theological discussions about premarital sex as, I think, we're all getting a little tired of them. Should I ever get carried away and indulge in too much Christian bashing, please call me out, though. I mean it.
Like most good Christian girls – I was encouraged not to think about sex before marriage, so instead, I fantasized about my wedding vows. Dirty thoughts were an insult to Jesus, I dressed funky, but never really sexy. That would be too tempting for the nice Christian boys. The last thing I wanted was to make a boy have dirty thoughts about me or sex. My future husband would be a great, passionate lover, even though he never spent a minute before marriage learning about the practicalities. He would easily direct his sexual desire solely towards me – and obviously not even know the names of porn sites. And our amazing and pure relationship would show all my heathen friends how much better it was to wait. And they would be incredible jealous of us and convert just by the sheer look of our happily-ever-after.
But then I didn't marry in my twenties, like I'd planned, and went to art school instead and started finding Christian boys boring – or just didn't find them.
And so – I started dating Non-Christian boys …
… and boy, was I surprised to find out they were nothing like what people had told me they'd be. They had a penis that was a real, living organ and they were having dirty thoughts constantly and didn't feel guilty about them at all and even wanted me to have dirty thoughts as well … They didn't want Taylor Swift, they wanted Lana del Rey.
In my current relationship with a wonderfully crazy, passionate artist who is very spiritual, but didn't grow up in a conservative setting, I am still working through a good amount of blushing and shame when it comes to sex. I sometimes try to explain to him just HOW different the world was that I grew up in, so maybe writing this blog is partly also to help him understand me better.